To Kill Me, To Drown Me
by fangirlsweunite
Summary: Her heart stopped for a moment, and everything that existed in that time, everything and infinity, was hers. And the ice in his eyes couldn't stop her, not in that millisecond. Not in the stars that was hers, because they danced in her eyes.
1. Chapter 1 - Humilia Lepus Foraman

**Humilia lepus foraman**

_**Chapter 1: Down the rabbit hole**_

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><p>As much as I hate to admit it, honestly, I didn't mind the reaping. It's not because I'm trained, I never went to the academy even though District 4 is a career district. I'm the opposite of ready for the games. After seeing what it did to Annie, I despise of the Capitol. Annie is my best friend and my sister but she's still the same Annie to me. But to others, she seems lost and distant and she only opens up to a few people, me being one of them. But even one of us being by her side won't help the nightmares when she starts screaming and we can all see the games have wrecked her.<p>

But no, the only reason that I see a good side of the reaping is that there is no class on reaping day. Unfortunately, today there is and there is no way I can escape the hell to come. I swear that a demon is among our presence, at school. Normally, me being me, I would've loved school, and I do, apart from queen bitch. She haunts our school like some unwanted spirit and she seems to hold a grudge against me for no apparent reason. I try my best to fade into the shadows and stay quiet but she has sparked an interest in me. And the thing is, it's no competition. She's tall and beautiful with golden hair that falls down her back and those intense blue eyes and you can just see it, she's a victor. She's a skilled angel with so much innocence that you won't see her bad side. She's supposed to volunteer this year. I hope she does, the best don't always make it out alive.

And I don't really need this on the last day of school before the Hunger Games and in the last hour of class. But, speak of the devil and she arrives, waltzing into the room like she owns the place. I mentally groan as she spots me and smirks, sliding into the seat infront of me. She turns to me with an unintended flip of her hair and drums her perfect nails on the back of her seat. She doesn't say anything though, expecting me to start the conversation that I've been dreading.

"Hey Larissa," I drawl out, making my voice as tired and flat as I could make it be. She grins, flashing her perfect white teeth and blinding the world in the process. Ah, the perks of being the mayors' daughter.

"Hey bitch," Surely she's mentally planned this conversation out because I have,"So, how many little kids have you scared today? Because I definitely thought with that ugly face of yours that you were a monster."

"Hey slut, how many guys have you screwed today? Because I definitely thought with that short skirt of yours that you were a hooker," I respond and technically this might've been true. Half the guys in the school looked at her like she had hung the moon.

She pursed her lips like she'd tasted something sour then studied my face for a moment before deciding on what she would do. She leaned forward, so close that only I could hear her and whispered,"You'll regret that."

It was a threat and one that she intended to keep. But before I could say anything, she carried on like she didn't hear what I last said. And this is when I notice that her 'crew' has slid into the seats beside me. They follow Larissa everywhere, the three of them, and I've never herd them speak except either to mock me or to repeat what Larissa said.

"So," Larissa continued,"Is it just me or is it impossible for someone to have such an ugly face, I mean seriously, do they not lock you up for going round looking like that?"

"Oh Larissa, do you not have a wider vocabulary than 'ugly' because you say the same thing everyday and honestly, it's getting a little boring," I say and noticing her shocked expression, I carried on mocking her." I don't know how to help you but try something different. Horrific, repulsive, hag-fugly," I offered.

"Hag-fugly?" She repeated, looking dumb-founded.

I leaned back in my seat, pulling a smug expression onto my face."I use my imagination."

She scoffed at this and even though not understanding anything, her friends snickered along wih her."Of course you do, you need it to make up your friends inside your head because you don't have any in real life."

Offended or not, I still played a sickly, sweet smile on my face,"I have three and it's good enough for me," I respond, even though it just gives them more to laugh at.

"Your sister doesn't count, you know," she says, pretending to inspect her nails. Her perfect, long, sharp nails. That in nightmares turn to claws.

"I didn't include her." I say but she lets out a sharp bark of laughter. My face heated up and just had to remember that I just have to keep the conversation as simple as possible till the last class started. And then, whatever happened would be outside of school and my problem. My fight only.

"Oh bitch, that's cute compared to the hundred I have." Arrogance would get her nowhere.

"Oh honey," My voice dripping with sweet venom,"I would rather have three real friends than buy a hundred fake ones like you do."

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><p>After school had finished, I only had one intention and that was to get home before the she-devil finds me. And if she does, lets just say it's not going to be pleasant. No-one messes with Larissa, no-one gets up in her business and if they do, it's likely they won't be coming to school the next day. I take the qiuckest, shortest route home, one that leads behing the Victors Village. I don't think anyone one else knows this way but even then I still stick to the shadows and slip away without a word.<p>

I tuck my long hair behind my ears to keep it from falling in my face and do a little hop and skip over a rockpool, skimming my hand through it to collect some shells for Annie. Annie has a hobby of crafting things from shells, necklaces, bracelets, anklets and more. It's just something she likes to do when she's out of it.

"Did you really think I'd let you get away?" A voice asks, somewhere behind me. I don't stop to look back, I only concentrate on getting home, where she can't hurt me.

"Aw, are you leaving so soon, before the fun begins?" She taunts her voice much closer this time. Curse all the stupid sand in District 4.

Suddenly, she grabs my hair and yanks me round so that I am facing her. To make her uncomfortable, I don't protest or make a sound, I just go with it obediently and I can see that she is slightly surprised.

"Got any last words?" She asks and before I can respond, (which obviously I wasn't going to do) she whips out a mean looking dagger, that glinted viciously in the sunlight. She gives me her own wicked grin before diving straight for me and grabbing my shoulder which is now held in a tight lock. I mean for this to be bullying but never so far as _killing._

Now I had a feeling that I should've ran. It's true that I've never trained at all, but I have picked up on a few things over the years. Pain in my left shoulder was increasing as she twisted my arm and held it behind my back, keeping it pinned. I don't try to escape, it will do me no good. She placed the knife under my neck, its sharp edge digging into my skin. I wince as she puts more pressure onto it, close to drawing blood.

"What should I slit first? Your neck? Or should it be here, where your guts can spill out?" She moved the blade to my stomach and a few drops of blood fell onto the white sands below, staining it crimson. Before she could do further damage, I bring my head back and slam it into hers, knocking her back a few feet. My head is throbbing but I dismiss the pain, lunging for the knife. She screams in rage and kicks me hard and I fly back into the ground. Larissa is directly above me, knife in hand. She brings it down on me but before it could touch me, I loop both my legs around her waist and pull, bringing her down with me. The knife cuts into my shirt and shallowly into my shoulder. I hiss and bring my back elbow back and ram it into her face. That could give her a broken nose. Good. I grab her wrist that holds the blade and twist it so it falls out her hands. I pick it up and latch onto her shirt, dragging her up. She weakly throws a punch but I catch her fist and shove her back till she hits a fence. I start walking away till she grabs my arm and forcefully pulls me back but I already planned this in my head. I throw the knife and it pins her to the fence but only by her clothing, avoiding piercing her skin.

"Please try to refrain your attacks on me. I would say next time but I think we've both established that there won't be a next time. If you wish so, I won't hesitate to kick your arse." And with that, I swaggered off. I know Finnick is going to kill me but I feel good. Finnick taught me the odd stuff, knives were my specialty while he knew how to handle a trident. I stuck with the lighter weapons, knives and a bow and arrow which isn't really expected of a District 4 tribute. Not that I'm going into the games. I know how to survive but I don't know how to murder and that ismy weakness. Finnick had hoped that I'd follow in his footsteps and train at the academy just in case but I refused and stuck to my sessions at home. I could use a trident and spear, for fishing but give me a sword and there's no chance for me. Sparring, I'm good at, small but fast and underestimated.

I can't believe that this is us now. Every thought is revolved around the Hunger Games, us living our lives in fear. I hate it. Finnick and Annie, people I love, put through so much but for others it's just a game. Some train their whole lives for that moment and I'm not one of those. I do it out of fear but not out of my own, because people care about me and they don't want to see me hurt but I'll gladly rip out my tongue if it means speaking my mind. To cool off, I head to the beach and stand at the pier. I strip for a swim and allow the cold water to cleanse my cuts. I don't know how long I'm out but when I've finished, it's nearly dark. I put on my clothes and run the rest of the way home, knowing the drunken men in our District aren't very nice.

I try to be silent as I sneak up the stairs but my 13 year old sister has a super sense of hearing. I swear that girl waits for me to come home because she acts like my mother!

"And where do you think you're going? Where were you?" She demands, taking in my appearance.

"Why do you care? And if you must know I went for a swim." That's considered pretty normal for our District and acts as a reasonable excuse.

"I don't believe you. Why the cuts and bruises?" She asks, eyeing my shoulder. I remember that my shirt is now ripped because of stupid Larissa. And it just had to be one of the ones I liked.

"Just a rock that I didn't see," I lie easily but she doesn't buy it. Luckily, she doesn't investigate much further, her mind still probably on the Reapings tomorrow. I know she isn't worried though, she never has been. Always, the headstrong one in the family.

"I'll let it slip butI doubt Finnick will. He's with Annie now. I doubt he'll notice you but you might want to get cleaned up anyway." I nod and take my sisters advice, but after turning and placing a comforting a hand on her shoulder.

"Hey Zoë," I say, "I know you're not scared. But I love you."

She sends me a small smile then hurries away, to do whatever a 13 year old girl does. She makes an amazing parent and I just know she's got her whole life ahead of her. It's never fair, how the world works and how people have got sick and twisted minds like President Snow. I would be punished for saying things like that outloud but I speak the truth. I don't care if I can't get punished but my weakness is my family. Hurt Annie, Zoë, Finnick or even Mags, then I'm as good as dead.

I shake the thoughts away and wordlessly head to my room. In this big house in the Victors Village, I have my own room and shower, one of the luxuries we have. Ah, the perks of being related to a victor. I take a cold shower, one of the things we haven't changed from our other life. Hot showers are not spoken of here, even our baths consist of plunging in ice water. It's soothing for some reason, nice having something that doesn't put you above other people. Another reason why I get bullied like I do. It's far past calling me spoilt and the harmless pushing. We've grown up and most of them are trained killers. When weapons and blades are used, it's a kind of hatred.

I pull on a long sleeved top and loose pajama pants but there's nothing to hide the bruises on my neck. In the moment that she had me in a headlock, she had a pretty hard grip on me. There's nothing that can slip past Finnick's eye and I know there's no hope for me. I sigh and head downstairs, ready for an interrogation. When I get down there, I can see that everyone was waiting for me at the table. As three heads turn to me, I hang my head low, almost as if in shame.

"I'm not hungry," I mumble and turn on my heel to go back to my room.

"Sit down." The tone in Finnick's voice indicated that I don't have an option and I reluctantly sank down in my seat next to Zoë.

"Look at me." I refused to meet his eyes, my own not leaving my plate.

"Natalia. Look at me." I knew I couldn't disobey him when he used my full name. He never did that. He winced slightly as I stared into his eyes, giving him a good view of my neck.

"Is this what you want to see, Finnick? All you ever see when I come home. You of all people should know that this is my life. These scars don't come from pride. Damn it, Finnick, I'm sick of it, all I ever wish for is it to stop. But you and I both know that isn't going to happen. So could you please stop and leave me to rot in peace? You can't do anything about it and if you do, it's just going to get worse. So please, just get off my back."

The room was shocked into silence, surprised by my outburst. I don't always lose my temper that easily but today, after years, I had to let it out. And about damn time, too.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I'm not hungry." The chair scraped back, the only other noise in this otherwise silent room. Every eye was on me as I stormed out and I was glad that they let me. But that was soon short lived as my door squeaked open and a very quiet Finnick entered. He sat down next to me on my bed but I ignored him as my gaze was set on a crumpled photograph of my parents. It's one of the few I kept, one of the only ones that hadn't burned.

"I'm sorry," Finnick whispered but I only shook my head then stared at him.

"Are you really? Because those words lost meaning to me years ago." I carefully placed the photo back in my draw, then turned back to Finnick.

"Just leave me be, Finnick," I mutter and watch as he brings out a knife. I grimace at my bad history with blades and my encounter with one today. It wasn't the worse cut I had but the intentions were farout of line. It was always a joke, to bully me but I knew it was out of hate. Today though, I think that had signs of crazy, a shine in her eyes when there shouldn't be.

"Throw it." He urged, handing me the knife but I shook my head, pushing it away.

"Imagine Larissa's head on that wall. Throw it. Do it." With shaky hands, I took the knife and fixed on a nail in the wall._ Just imagine her._

I took a few steps back, till my back was pressed against the opposite wall. I squeezed my eyes shutfor a second then opened them. At ease, I let the knife slide out my hand and with a flick of my wrist, it was embedded where the nail previously was. Now, it was split into two, on either side of the knife. Finnick let out a long whistle before grinnig at me.

"Did that feel good?" He asked. I nod, speechless. He stood and patted me on the back before walking away.

"Get some rest. You need to be up early tomorrow." And with that, he left, turning off the lights as he went.

The moment he left, I sunk down on my bed, sobbing. I pulled my knees under my chin and bury my face in my hands. I become an impossible mess on my bed, my tears soaking my covers. I whisper things to myself, two voices in my head, one comforting and one showing me the flaws in myself. Every single flaw. Every fault. I don't try to wipe away the tears, I allow them to dry on my face as nightmares haunt me to sleep. But one thought, keeps me awake all night.

_Just imagine her._

But I didn't. I didn't picture Larissa's face. Instead, it was my own.

* * *

><p>"Talia?" A voice whispers and I register it as familiar in my head. It was Annie. I wake up with an aching throat and pounding headache, almost like that time when Finnick gave us a shot of alchohol which caused me to take another then a third. Finnick didn't know about that and I had the worst hangover. You can expect how angry he was at me but I knew he secretly found it amusing.<p>

"Yes Annie?" I croaked groggily, sitting up in my bed. I probably looked like hell but right now, I couldn't care less.

"Wake up! It's Reaping day and you've got to get into your dress! I chose it myself!" I knew Annie was excited now, making me look good was her kind of thing.

"Okay Annie," I chuckled, swinging my legs off the bed. "Just let me take a shower."

She skipped out of my room and I grabbed my towel and dragged myself into the bathroom. I took off all my tear soaked clothes and ran myself a cold bath. I scrubbed myself till I was red and raw, roughly yanking all the tangles out my hair. Emerging my face fully into the water, I stayed like that for a few minutes, completely at home before coming back up for a deep breath. I massaged Annie's strawberry shampoo that I stole, into my hair and kept on reminding myself, this is home. This is home.

I pull the plug and wrap a towel around my shivering body then padded to my room. I put on my underwear and call for Annie and wait patiently. A few minutes later, a giggling Annie enters my room, shutting the door behind her.

"Look!" She squeals, thrusting a dress on a hanger at me. I pull back and gasp at it before staring at every intricate detail. It was a midnight blue dress, made out of cotton, thankfully. It cinched under the bust and flowed to just above knee. The top part had little white buttons and there were little cut out shapes on the hem of the skirt. It wasn't slutty like some girls but the only part where it showed a lot of skin was the spaghetti strap which exposed my bare shoulders and my legs if you were being picky. But I wasn't and I absolutely loved it.

"Annie! Thank you."I trap her in a bear hug and we forget it's Reaping day for a few seconds.

"I knew you'd love it ! Now, get changed!" She ordered, moving to my vanity table to grab a few items while I change into my dress. I'm modest but it doesn't hurt to say that the dress looked good on me. Annie smiled widely when she saw me, then motioned for me to sit down.

"You look amazing, now sit. I'll do your hair," she says, grabbing me by my shoulders and pushing me down onto the chair. I close my eyes as she moves her fingers through my hair, reminding me of the way mother used to do it. Gentle and so kind, it's easy to tell that Annie took after her. I, on the other hand, inherited my appearance and personality from my father. His dark hair and insanely bright blue eyes, while mother was blonde and had big, green eyes, like a deer caught in head lights. Zoë and Annie both have caramel coloured hair and candy apple green eyes, so innocent.

"Open your eyes." Annie had done a side fishtail plait, weaving a white ribbon in there as well and any hair that had fallen out at the sides were clipped back in a seashell clip.

"It's perfect, thank you. Now go help Zoë look as good as me," I joked as I pushed her out of my room. Her eyes widened when she realised she had forgotten about Zoë and she hurried away. I closed the door and pulled out a pair of denim shorts. I knew Annie would never approve of this so I quickly tug the shorts on under my dress then smooth it out like I had done nothing. I love the dress, it's just that I'm not used to dresses at all.

"Come on Talia, we're late!" I heard Zoë shout and I roll my eyes. Right, of course, I'm late to someone's death sentence.

"Coming!" I shout back, running down the stairs and again, everyone was waiting for me. They all looked good, all dolled up for a funeral. Let's face it, two tributes are taken from our District and we all know that only one is coming back.

As we head out to the Justice Building where every Reaping takes place, we silently interlace our hands together. We're never going to be okay. As we reach the sign in desks, it was time for us to split. We didn't say our goodbyes because we were sure that we would see each other again, it was was tattooed into our heads. Finnick and Annie headed towards the stage as they were mentors this year. I might not see them in a while but at least I knew they were coming back this time. I wouldn't have to go through that again.

The finger prick was nothing to me but I saw Zoë flinch as they drew blood. She hated blood and it was impossible for her to watch the Games each year but it was compulsary of every citizen. I gave her hand a quick squeeze indicating that I had to head to the seventeen year old section while she turned to the thirteen year olds. She was liked and had many friends while I only had a few but I managed to get by.

A lady with platinum blonde curls and impossibly tanned skin, stumbled out on the stage, in eight inch heels a bright neon pink colour. Gosh, she was so pink, I was finding it hard to look at her, with eyelashes as long as my pinky finger. She is, what I would've called, Barbie. Her tin foil dress, in a matching pink, crinkled horribly and all eyes snapped to the front as she tottered forward. She was one of those people who caked on make-up, drawing attention to herself wherever she went. She could possibly be pretty under all that fakeness but being Capitol, she fit right into the loony bin.

"Settle down, settle down. I am Ariella Pentstone, your escort this year!" Her voice was scratchy, one of those which got annoying after a while. As she yammered on, I focused on Annie and Finnick on the stage. Ariella was obviously swooning over Finnick but Annie was completely oblivious to this. Ariella was totally stealing Annie's man and if I was up there, I would've slapped her by now.

A video was played, the same as every year, with President Snow speaking in his dull tone and repeating the same footage of District 13. Oh, how I wanted to strangle that man.

"Wasn't that wonderful? Well, let's move on! Hmm, should we have a change this year? The men first!" She giggled,hoping to get a hot volunteer that sweeps her off her feet. She's greeted with silence and she stumbles forward to the large bowl that hold all the slips.

"Winard Howlting!" Her voices shrieks and I crane my neck to see a large boy, probably 18, walking up to he stage. I recognise him from school and I remember that he trains at the academy. He wouldn't have volunteered but he's a good fighter and his specialty is a spear. He works on the boats and Finnick and I have spotted him many times using his prefered weapon. He is deadly.

"Any volunteers?" Ariella's voice snaps me out of my evaluation of Winard. This year, there is no-one to volunteer and it's clear that Winard is going to the Games. I'm glad it's not a 12 year old, who has no chance of coming back. Instead, Winard has a massive chance and is trained. He is handsome as well, golden hair and tanned skin from working outside in the sun. He might get a lot of sponsors, he looks like a charmer. I bet he'll work the crowd, making every Capitol woman weak at the knees. But not me.

"Right then, onto the ladies!"

This is it. I roll my shoulders, loosening them and shut my eyes. My body relaxes and I know everything will be fine. I only have a few slips, there's no way it's going to be me. Someone will volunteer.

"Zoë Cresta!"

My eyes snap open and I see Zoë paralyzed from fear. I hear snickers around me and I know this is our punishment. Not just mine, but ours. Finnick's, for loving Annie. Mine, for having a 'perfect' life. Zoë's, for not having to take tessarae. Annie's, for being so oblivious to the darkness of the world and not having to experience it. No-one's going to save us, no-one's going to volunteer. That is our punishment. It's my own choice to push past the cruel girls and let the words flow from my mouth. I am completely aware of what I am doing but I am not selfish, I'm not doing it to save myself.

"I volunteer!" I scream, running towards Zoë and embrace her fragile body. She is too young, too innocent. Her body is shaking and I can tell that she is sobbing.

"I volunteer as a tribute."

"Shush baby girl, everything will be okay," I whisper to her, "I'll save us."

The words are for her ears only, hidden from the cameras. It's a promise. I give her a peck on the forehead before the peacekeepers drag me away. I throw a glare at them over my shoulder, pulling away from them. I think that was a mistake because I actually can't walk on my own. My legs are shaking and I don't think I can make it to the stage. My head is spinning and my vision is going blurry. I need someone to steady me as I stumble up the stairs. I think they are laughing at me. But I wouldn't know, because my world had fallen into darkness.

_This is it. I can't save you now. Because I am falling, falling down the rabbit hole._


	2. Chapter 2 - Maculata Vitrum Fenestras

**Maculata vitrum fenestras**

_**Chapter 2: Stained glass windows**_

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><p><em>"Natalia!" That was my name. I'm no good samaratin but I know I have to help. I recognise that voice anywhere. It was Annie. I don't recognise the place though, it is completely unfamiliar. Something about it haunts me but there's no time to dwell on anything. Annie needs saving and the longer I take, the longer she bleeds out. I start running, weaving between the trees. Fast and nimble. No-one can catch me. I've been told before, that I'm different and I must come to accept. I don't look different or feel different. I just know I am. And the boy with sea green eyes confirmed it. He wants to take me away and I know the right choice is to let him. But what about Finnick, Zoë and Annie? Annie.<em>

_"Natalia!" It was another scream. It was pain. And it was Zoë. That hurt me more than a knife would. Choosing. I could save either of my sisters but I couldn't save both. That's the way the world works out. I want it to change. Because I am selfless and they can't make me choose. They can't play me. I've found a loophole. I will save both of them but in the end, I sacrifice myself. I don't care. I don't flinch. I don't scream or kick or cry. Instead, I smile as the wolves rip apart my bones._

"Is she okay?" There are no wolves here. There are worse. These people from the Capitol, dressed in flamboyant colours but I know they are monsters. I almost don't want to look at them but I have to, I'm on camera. If I show up our District, it'll give them more reason to hate the Cresta's. I won't let my sisters suffer my punishment.

Already, there is a peacekeeper yanking on my arm and I'm pulled up forcefully. I'm still an a dizzy state and the thought of standing makes me sick to the stomach. I want to throw up but I keep it in, a taste of vomit filling my mouth. This doesn't help at all and neither does the thousands upon thousands of eyes on me.

"Are you okay? Can you remember your name, where are you?" I don't have amnesia but then again, the one's from the Capitol are never very clever. I shouldn't roll my eyes but I do.

"I am not Alice and I'm definitely not in Wonderland."

Silence. Ariella's nervous laughter filled the District, disturbing the sound of the sea to my ears.

"Alright then! District 4's tributes, Winard Howlting and Ali-"

"My name isn't Alice."

"But you just said-"

"My name isn't Alice."

"What is your name?"

"Natalia Cresta."

She gasps, as does a marjority of people. They really are very dramatic people. I suppose they have every right to be, every Cresta has been called now, who knows who will go mad? No victor is sane and I don't expect to be if I leave but there's no hope for me. I won't have blood on my hands.

"Well isn't that a plot twist!" Ariella shouts, filling the disturbing silence.

"This isn't a story but how I wish it was, please don't say our lives are a game," I whisper, not intending on anyone to hear but they do, my words somehow caught up in the microphone.

"This is it then! Winard Howlting and Natalia Cresta, District 4's tributes!" She held our hands and lifted them in the air as if we were winners already but I let no emotion cross my face except sadness. This is genuine. I refuse to be a fake for the entertainment of ths Capitol. I'm scared and I won't hide that.

The audience give a dazed clap, as if they couldn't quite believe what was happening. It went too fast. The reaping, I mean. But I guess when my life is dangling on a string, I've not got any time at all.

We are ushered off stage and into the Justice building behind, at least three peacekeepers in front and behind me to keep me in check if I faint again. It has crossed my mind that Winard and I haven't shook hands, we haven't agreed that while we are still enemies, we are partners. I want to save him, I want to save everybody but that's not possible and I'm not a hero. I'd rather die than kill a 12 year old but I don't think everyone's minds work that way. They all want to save themselves.

The Justice building is beautiful. Ours has marble floors and beige, unscathed walls, with few delicate and no doubt expensive paintings hanging off them. I've only been in here two or three times before but each piece of art seems to get more entrancing every time I see them. Which is not often. Winard and I split paths here, peacekeepers leading us into seperate rooms. Luckily, the peacekeepers are not permitted to stay in here with me.

I consider taking a seat on the plush sofa but something on the far wall catches my eye. My breathing hitches and soon my shoes are making the only noise in the otherwise silent room, leading me to the window. There are colours upon colours, set out like mosiacs, creating pictures and scenes along with the length of the wall. It's stunning.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" I spin round at the voice, stumbling forward as I stutter out an apology. I sigh in relief when I see it's just Finnick.

"I shouldn't be here, you know. But I'm afraid that we may have to put on masks after this so with a little persuasion, here I am. After all, I'm Finnick Odair." He strode towards me, voice echoing in the empty room. He stopped beside me, arms crossed and leaning towards me with a whisper.

"It's a stained glass window. They were used years ago in mainly churches and religious places. They tell stories through pictures and I think it's a shame that we don't use them anymore, well, except in places like this where no-one gets to see them."

"I know," my voice tiny, "I read about it. Religion. It's amazing don't you think, believing in something and believing so strongly that it's _real _and it's thriving."

"That's why I believe in you. We all do." He's trying to raise my spirits but there's no point. I'm completely fine.

"The three of you?" I ask, laughing.

"Three of us is all it takes. You know that you can win this, you're smart, you're skilled, just look at you with a knife, just please, please, please don't give up on us."

"Finnick, you know me better than that." He shook his head and closed his eyes, placing his thumb and pointer finger at the bridge of his nose. He exhaled loudly, then stared up at me with sad, shining eyes.

"I do," he says oftly, "And I know that you can't do it. I know you don't want to come home but please, please Talia, make it worthwhile, okay?"

I nod, knowing that if I speak, my voice will be hoarse and shaky.

"Don't worry about us, we'll be alright," he promises

"Look after Zöe and Annie for me and please don't lie to them, don't tell them that I'll be coming back. I won't and they don't need false hope."

"I promise. But I can't, I can't let you go like that. I swear-"

I cut him off with a hand over his mouth. "Finnick. Don't let them see me die."

"I don't want you to." I squeeze my eyes shut, blinking back the tears that have glazed my eyes.

"This is my choice," I confirm, "This is what I want."

"And I love you for it, I love you like the little sister I never had," he says, pulling me into a hug.

"Wrong. You do have me. I hope you and Annie make beautiful babies, that I'll love as much as I love you."

"Goodbye Talia, the next we see each other we cannot be friends but we'll be allies and I will still love you, double as much, even then."

"Goodbye Finn." With a swift kiss on my forehead, he left, all his tears built up in his head but one day they'll come pouring out like a waterfall in the form of memories. Because that's all I have now, when my days are numbered.

Annie. That is all I have to think of before my very own tears start threatening to spill. I don't want to say goodbye but it's already here and I've already said it.

"Lia?" Annie's hoarse voice calls out. I whip round and see a red faced Annie come staggering towards me before collapsing in my arms.

"Goodbye beautiful," she whispers, burying her face in my shoulders but I lift her face up with my hands on either side of her head, forcing her to look at me.

"No. Not goodbye, do you remember?" I ask, hoping she can cast her mind back to a day of promises. Her eyes widen and she drops to the ground, hugging her knees to her neck.

"The wind and the waves, humble but bold. The stars and the sun, worth more than gold. The sea and the sand, loyal to home. Go forth, my children, and let them all know, no matter where you are, my heart will hold."

I smiled and joined her on the floor, wrapping my arms around her and kissing her hair softly.

"Exactly. Where's Zoë?" I ask, pulling back to look at her.

"I asked her to bring me something," she says, still not lifting her head up.

"Okay. We'll wait for her."

As we sit in silence, we both come to understand that this is real and I will not be there for them anymore. I think that's the only thing I can't come to terms with. Otherwise, I welcome death with open arms.

The door creaks open and I only see a tear stained face, one that makes me feel all to distraught to see my little sister cry. She shouldn't be crying for me, she should be crying on me as I offered her a shoulder to let her worries out. Instead, I get up on my feet and hold my arms out wide open, waiting for her to rush into them. As she does so, I breathe in her scent of lavender, one of her favourite flowers that she likes to search for on the furthest side of the shore.

Her hands are clasped behind my back and I know that she's gripping onto it tightly, it being almost embedded in her fist. As she pulls away, her eyes are cloudy and glazed over like she's frozen her emotions just to put kn a show for me.

"Hey, it's okay," I comfort her, running the back of my hand gently down the side of her face. I push back her hair and smile sadly, which she mirrors.

"Here," she says, sticking out her hand. "Annie told me to go get it for you. It's yours now and if you want it can be your token."

She opens her clenched hands and when I see what's laying in her palm I gasp. It's a beautiful charm bracelet, with gold links and five little shining charms hanging off it. The first is a trident, which is a rose gold kind of colour, and it has some Greek inscriptions up the side. The second is the sun, in full detail and golden rays, followed by the next charm: the moon. I've always loved the moon and many stories about, something I found so... fascinating. I especially like the stories about Selene or Artemis, the Greek goddesses of the moon. The fourth is not a charm but a locket, though I daren't open it incase it resurfaces fresh memories. And the final but my favourite one was the book charm, a little blue book that was open and had a silver surface and a few words from an old book written on it too.

"I can't have this! You would get good money for it at home," I push away the gift, refusing to accept such a valuable thing.

Zoë just smiles and pushes my hand back towards me, making my fingers close around the bracelet. Even Anniehas stopped having a panic attack just to look at it. I shake my head, stunned.

"We don't want the money. We just want you to remember us, yeah?" Zoë makes me promise and I intend to keep it because I could never forget my flesh and blood, the reason why I'm ready to sacrifice myself. I love them too much and that is my fatal flaw. Suddenly, Annie gets up and looks at me hesitantly, chewing her lip. She reaches out for the bracelet and I let her take it and she examines it for a minute before turning back to me.

"Can, can I put it on for you?" She asks nervously but I smile, nodding. I stick out my wrist and she attaches it so timidly, I can't even feel it scrape against my skin.

"There. Perfect." She smiles, admiring it on my wrist. My mouth begins to teitch and I look over to see Zoë full on grinning.

"Perfect," I repeat, "This is exactly how I would want to remember it."

"It was our pleasure," Annie says, and I'm surprised to see that she hasn't broken down from such a meaningful sentence.

In the next minute or so, we all laugh and we smile, recounting good memories. Annie doesn't seem to be anxious, Zoë doesn't seem to be scared and I, I am alive.

When the peacekeepers come in there is no sense of struggle, to which they look confused about not dealing with a crazy Cresta. Instead, we have our heads straight and they walk out without letting the peacekeepers touch them. They are brave and so am I. The peacekeepers just nod and shut the door but I think that is all I have. I just have to wait till Winard finishes and then we can leave.

I don't expect to have anymore visitors but I do, one that I'd forgotten all about. I smile as he walks in and throw my arms around his neck in a tight embrace.

"You were the only friend I had. What am I going to do without you?" I ask.

"Are. Have. And what am I going to do without my best friend helping me find my girlfriend? I'll go mad without my girls," he jokes and when I pull back, I'm grinning too.

"I'll find her, I swear I will," I promise, adding some gestures around my heart showing that it's on my life.

"I know we will. But I also know what you're going to do." He says, all serious now.

"It's for the best-"

"I won't stop you," he interrupts, stunning me. "But I will say it's a stupid idea. I'll come visit you, 'kay Laser Eyes?"

"Whatever, Seaweed Brain."

"I need to go find Grover but I promise I'll see you again soon, maybe even before... you know."

I nod, believing his word because he has given me no reason not to. I hug him once again but before he reaches the door I call out.

"Percy? Don't miss me too much."

He gives me one last lopsided smile and then he is gone, our time together short but definitely not the last. I made him a promise and I plan to keep it. But now I sit and wait. At the moment I am helpless.

I have nothing to do as the minutes tick by but I keep myself entertained with songs that are punishable by death in Panem. I sing quietly, even though I have no reason to do so because I'm already going to die. I read books that have a death penalty too, books so old and bound with real leather. They're beautiful inside and out. I break the rules and I want to show that, I will not allow them to control me.

When the peacekeepers signal for me to leave the room, I take one last longing look at the windows. Will they have them in the Capitol? One peacekeeper tries to shove me but I step away from him with a glare. I walk out trailing behind them all, hoping it'll have a weak girl effect on them. I let a few loose strands fall in front of my face and as I'm joined by Winard, I let him stand in front with me cowering three feet away.

As we walk to the train station, the crowd is loud and they don't keep their opinions to themselves. I can hear them betting on us, predicting who'll lose and who'll win, who'll die and who'll survive. I think they made those bets on Johanna Mason as well but boy were they wrong. This is cruel. But to them it'll be animal cruelty. That's all we are, pets on a leash. Too bad I'm a motherfucking goldfish.

Ariella is the only one posing for a photo, the rest of us have cold, icy expressions on our faces. Except me, I'm whimpering. I'm a very good actresses, from years of putting on performances and plays with Annie and Zoë. Finnick helped out too sometimes. I know the crowd is laughing at me so I just stop whimpering and bite my lip hard. They stop taking photos of me altogether, when they know that I'm just not worth it.

After a few minutes of tolerating the photographers and media, Ariella is way too chirpy to board the train for my liking. I turn to look at Finnick but he just gives me a funny side smile so I crane my neck even more to get a view of District 4. The justice building is in the way though, hence why we walked to the station. But I have to try harder tk hide my smile because the side facing me has stained glass windows. But they don't look as nice as the did from the inside, all of the colour gone and left to dull shades and tracings.

"Come on dear, we have places to be and people to see! My, my, you can't just stand there staring!" Ariella scolds and I scowl back at her which makes her back off slightly. Nonetheless, I start walking as a train slows to a stop at our platform.

No matter how hard I try, I keep on wanting to say goodbye to District 4. I will return, that I am sure of because here is my home and if you love something, let it go and it'll go flying home. Where it belongs. I was taught that many years ago by Annie, my substitute mother. Never in a million years would I have thought I'd become hers. But then again, I never expected to be standing here. Funny how life works in the favour of others.

"You'll do great," Finnick whispers in my ear, attempting to reassure me.

"That's the thing," I whisper back, "I can't do great. I need to do unimpressive. I need to plan."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Chapter Two is up! Sorry this is so late, we didn't have wifi and we only recently just got it so, I know, excuses, excuses. Anyway, I get this chapter might be a little shorter than the first and I get that there are grammatical errors, I'm sorry. If you think that I've made a mistake according to the book, just think and remember, Natalia is from District 4 and Katniss is from District 12. They might do things differently, okay? Read and review and do whatever you do!<strong>


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